Background

Darwin Central is a global conspiracy which allegedly rules the academic world to maintain the pre-eminence of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution, to the consternation of devotees of Creationism. In addition to the academic conspiracy, Darwin Central is rumored to have subsidiaries involved in other conspiratorial activities, including black helicopters, Area 51, the Illuminati, and water fluoridation.

Finances: Besides being the most secretive of all secret societies, Darwin Central is also believed to be the richest, with substantial holdings in oil, gold, diamonds, and tobacco. Its vast revenues are used, not only to reward its worldwide network of operatives who advance its interests in academia, but also for political purposes, in order to preserve evolution's iron grip on the world.

Rumors: There are persistent tales that Darwin Central's ascendancy was made possible through the secret assistance of Queen Victoria. It should be noted, however, that royal sponsorship has never been acknowledged. Similarly unacknowledged are incessant rumors of strong links to the Church of England. Such rumors are supported by the undeniable fact that Darwin was buried in Westminster Abbey. It is also rumored that Ian Fleming, who had been a Naval Intelligence officer, drew on his knowledge of Darwin Central as the inspiration for S.P.E.C.T.R.E. in his James Bond novels.

The Grand Master: This far-flung enterprise is presided over by the mysterious and all-powerful Grand Master, successor to a long line of earlier Grand Masters who have guided the affairs of Darwin Central since its founding in 1859 -- the year that Darwin's The Origin of Species was published.

The Board of Overseers: Rumors constantly swirl around this most secretive group. The usual claims are that the Board consists of representatives of the Royal Family, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Bank of England, the Congregation of Oxford University, the Royal Society Of London, and the Royal Observatory. The few Americans mentioned are usually associated with banks, Morgan being always included in such tales, although the American Philosophical Society is frequently cited. Queries to such institutions about the Board are never answered. The Board's membership has never been disclosed, and rumors about it are never confirmed or denied. All that is known is that the Board acts in a supervisory role; and in the event of a tragedy befalling the Grand Master, the Board of Overseers would immediately convene to appoint his successor, a practice which has been followed since the founding of Darwin Central in 1859.

The rest of the organizational structure of Darwin Central is virtually unknown. The Grand Master and his various spokesmen are the only figures whose existence seems certain. However, as a result of publicly declared disciplinary measures, it appears that operatives can be, and frequently are, relegated to what is referred to as the Janitorial Pool. It is not known whether this is actually what the name implies, or a coded expression to conceal a more menacing function. It appears, however, that all operatives of Darwin Central, even those in the mysterious Janitorial Pool, are fiercely loyal to the Grand Master.

Location: Although Darwin Central's offices are everywhere, its World Headquarters are located in the Galapagos Islands, which Darwin visited in 1835, as described in The Voyage of the Beagle.

Disclosure: The existence of Darwin Central was first publicly revealed on Free Republic, a conservative news forum, where highly spirited online debates about the creation-evolution controversy frequently appear. The Grand Master never personally participates in such debates, but makes his wishes known through spokesmen who participate on his behalf. The earliest known mention of Darwin Central was in 2002, in what was assumed to be a jocular remark. But as such references continued and details leaked out, it gradually became apparent that Darwin Central is a sinister force that rules the world by means of the theory of evolution.

Operations: Little is known about the actual operations at Darwin Central's headquarters. There are reports of formal affairs held in the Piltdown Room, a great hall presumably named after Piltdown Man, on one wall of which hangs the Shroud of Liverpool, a relic of unknown but presumably great significance.

The formal uniforms worn by the organization's officials have never been photographed, but partial descriptions have come to light. They are said to resemble 18th century military uniforms, having cutaway coats with contrasting lapels running from collar to tails, enormous buttoned cuffs, tri-cornered hats, breeches and riding boots, being somewhat reminiscent of George Washington's uniform in a portrait by John Trumbull. The uniforms also display a bevy of embellishments denoting rank and accomplishments, including variously-colored chest sashes (one described as the slime green of primordial ooze), embroidered borders, a bewildering number of medals in a profusion of orders, classes, etc., shoulder epaulettes with abundant gold fringe, a variety of lapel pins, ribbons, and even condor feathers for the hats, the meaning of which remains obscure.

Motto: In its official pronouncements, the organization describes itself as "The Conspiracy that Cares."